Chronic fatigue - for friends and family

Hi all,
 

I don’t usually talk about chronic fatigue much to others in real life.  I think I can be more honest about it now because I've made a big comeback, as acupuncture is working for me.

I hope this post will be helpful for friends and family who want to support and understand a loved one with CFS. 

This is a picture of what my fatigue was like at its worst, a couple of years ago, and some strange benefits to downshifting and living a slower paced life.

People often called me “too quiet.” Actually I was too drained to do much talking, but I did became an astute observer and good listener. I’ve been called “lazy” by people who were not very well informed about chronic fatigue.

I imagine the pace of my life was similar to the rhythms of pre-industrial times.  Before the advent of electricity, the average person slept 10 hours a night.  However, sleeping 10-12 hours was not a "stress-free" life for me as there was constant stress about how I was going to get up early when needed. 

Especially since there was pain. CFS for me was more than just feeling incredibly drained.

I would wake up- and for just a second - curl up in a ball and cry before getting out of bed. I at all wasn't sad, but it hurt some all day, sometimes so the point of distraction.  (Many CFS people experience this.)

My memory could become pretty foggy, and this is not a fun experience.  I managed work very effectively and,  though using Post Its, I never missed a beat.

It's really important to impress upon people unfamiliar with CFS that sleeping a lot is not optional - it's necessary, and it's a bummer.  It is totally impossible to force yourself to lead a "normal" life, and sometimes this is hard for others to understand.

My energy level affected my ability to perform music in public and for a couple of years I only worked part time due to incredibly low energy.  There is often a level of frustration about not being able to do more.

I began to study Jean Bolen's book Goddesses in Every Woman, and I gained a deep sense of worth from the quality of my femininity - having empathy and compassion for others - perhaps because I understood what it was like to have a long term disappointing loss of control. 

One chapter of Jean Bolen's book discusses Hestia, the Greek Goddess of Serenity. Hestia is a quiet, wise woman who brings a subtle, calming effect to others. 

I began to experience this calm through living a slow paced life and people said I had a nice, calming effect on them.

Now that I'm making a comeback through acupuncture, I don't want to push myself in life after years of a slower pace.

My goal is to lead a relatively private, elegant, simple life.

I recently read that "Ordinary" does not mean "Mediocre." It means “Order or Orderly.”

Therefore, an “ordinary” life is one of simplicity and having gratitude for the small and simple things in life.  

So, that is what I have learned from having had CFS. 

Maybe you have learned it too, perhaps through a health issue or another type of challenge.

 

A Votre Sante (Here's to Your Health), Alix